Love languages


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The universal language. The language that almost everyone seems to understand. The language that almost everyone has experienced, at least once. LOVE

Gary Chapman wrote the famous book The 5 love languages. Click the link to take the test.

According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages” are receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch. He says everyone has one primary love language and one secondary.

I believe his theory to be true and I, for many years, was not true to my love language. There were so many times I would smile and nod to just simply agree and get along with my husband, boyfriend or even friends. I ended up having a major mental break up with everyone one day when I had finally had enough. Enough of being sad, or worried or confused from simply being around certain people. I even went as far to cut people off in my life that I thought were prohibiting my learning or wanting to be loved in the same language. There are a lot of people that don’t believe in the 5 Love Languages as that’s ok. We all have our right to believe in whatever we want. However I don’t see how ANYONE doesn’t or wouldn’t believe in them. In my opinion, and if you read my bio you’d understand just how important my own opinion is😉, these people either haven’t read the book or taken the test or is such a narcissist that they believe it isn’t necessary to have any belief other than theirs.

Chapman suggests that to discover an; another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands. An example would be if a husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn’t perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties, because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her). She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.

I chose this topic today because I participated in a motorcycle ride this morning in honor of the slain Dallas Police and Dart Officers from 7/7/16. You see, they were ambushed in downtown Dallas and now their families, friends and Co-workers have lost someone, they loved. This was a senseless act of violence.

On July 7, 2016, Micah Xavier Johnson ambushedand fired upon a group of police officers in Dallas, Texas, killing five officers and injuring nine others. Two civilians were also wounded. Johnson was an Army Reserve Afghan War veteran who was angry over police shootings of black men and stated that he wanted to kill white people, especially white police officers. The shooting happened at the end of a protest against the police killings of Alton Sterlingin Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and Philando Castile in Falcon Heights, Minnesota, which had occurred in the preceding days.

What about to the way things used to be? I mean, I’m all for evolution and moving forward. Stagnation is blah. So on and so forth. But when did people just generally stop having at least a general concern for other humans? I was raised to love everyone. It doesn’t matter their skin color or background or what their parents did for a living. Now, let me clarify. I’m not saying we need to fall in love with everyone. But the title of my blog IS skin Deeper. So let’s look deeper into this topic.

Love your friends.

Love your neighbors.

Love yourself.

God says that we should love ourselves first. Then our spouse should receive our next offering. Yes. Before your kids. I know. I KNOW. The audacity of the man right? 🤭. My former pastor told me once that if I was happy I would naturally want to make my spouse happy. Because when the adjoined are acting as one, with each other’s heart and hand in hand, then all else will fall in to place. Kids, neighbors and then friends.

So take the love test, even if you have done it before. See if maybe this is why you keep butting heads with your boss or a coworker. Maybe you just both show love or appreciation differently.

Now, another thing. Never ever let a moment or a day go by that you don’t tell the people in your lives that you love them. I never hang up or leave my husband for any length of time, or my daughter, without saying those words. In fact, my husband and I say it often. On bike rides, sitting on the couch. Whenever. Wherever. We don’t care. Because it’s how we feel. And that, is one of my love languages.

Words of affirmation.

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